Counselling for Men
I counsel women and men. Its widely recognised that women are more proactive in getting the help they need. It's a good thing they do! With suicide being the main cause of death for men under the age of 50 in the UK, I wanted to highlight that part of my practice is dedicated to supporting men's mental health and emotional well-being. Research shows that early intervention and support for anyone facing mental health issues is often most beneficial.
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It is common for Green Lodge Counselling to receive a call from mothers worried about their sons, women concerned for their partners, and sisters worrying about their brothers. Additionally, I have noticed that some female clients specifically choose a male counsellor - If you are a woman and reading this section about counselling for men, I hope you won't be deterred from considering me as your therapist. I usually have an equal number of male and female clients.
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I appreciate that reaching out to a counsellor and getting the support you need can be a daunting experience. The qualities I bring to the therapy are kindness, empathy, understanding and a genuine desire to help and heal. Often an initial phone chat is reassuring to prospective clients - you are welcome to ring me for a brief phone conversation which I hope you will find helpful in your decision to proceed with counselling.
External success V internal happiness
I can think of many men who have dedicated years of their life to mastering additional skills, gaining extra qualifications, consistently putting in extra hours at work 'to make life better'. At the same time, they may have been living with some very painful experiences, emotions and feelings swept under the carpet and not dealt with. I used to live like that myself. My own experience of counselling changed things for the better. Therapy gave me psychological tools to better understand, process and let go of the issues and problems I had swept under the carpet.
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I have noticed some men put difficulties to the back of their mind and get on with day to day life. This may be a manageable strategy until the 'weight' all the unresolved issues combine with a problem or incident in the present. This can prove overwhelming. Often problems are not recognised until feelings of distress are so overpowering that day to day life becomes impossible.
Thank You Men
All too often the media refer to masculinity as toxic. It seems rare to see any appreciation for men who work hard to make life better for us, our loved ones, our communities, our society, our nation, our planet.
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My opportunity to say thank you and recognise your contribution. I want to say thank you to the men who: empty my bins and take my rubbish away, keep my lights on and provide power and warmth, provide safe and clean water piped to my house, take away the waste water, built the house I live in, create and maintain the roads I drive on, built my car, maintain my car, deliver parcels to my door, built my lap-top and Iphone, provide internet services, keep the streets safe, police our communities, build our power stations, make me laugh, heal me when I'm ill, protect our nation, drive the lorries, maintain our supply chain, stock our supermarkets, etc. etc etc. I could keep writing this list! Usually on the news these contributions to society are completely taken from granted until it goes wrong. Typically the media then look for someone to blame and scapegoat - which in turn can contribute to mental health issues of the very people who work so hard to make life so convenient for us all.
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Thank you women - As I write this section showing my appreciation for all the amazing things men do in our society, I also want to show my gratitude and appreciation to all the women who make such a valuable contribution to society. Whether you are a woman or man, I recognise how hard life can be when we are:
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working hard,
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having to deal with a level of mental or emotional distress,
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faced with other people or sections of society who judge, criticise and belittle.
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I aim to provide a positive atmosphere in my counselling room - there is no judgment, there is empathy, genuineness, acceptance, a desire to heal and support all my clients.
It's in many men's nature to solve problems - to fix things. Many men may have an internalised belief that follows something like: 'I should be able to solve this problem. If I can then I am a capable man'. This belief can sit comfortably with us when we have problems we can fix. However, it's likely for most of us that at some point in our lives we will encounter a problem or situation that we cannot resolve on our own. We can get stuck when we are unable/unwilling to access help and support from others. Maybe we may feel we are somewhat less because we cannot figure it out on our own. Perhaps this is why it often takes men longer to recognise they are living with a problem they can't sort out on their own, and possibly that it may become serious before they seek support.
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Navigating modern life
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We are living in an increasingly complex world where the pace of change is speeding up. For many of us, more demands and expectations are being placed on our shoulders. This makes it all the more difficult for any one person to have the knowledge, skills and capabilities to always be able to understand and navigate modern life. I want to share this viewpoint with you especially if you have grown up with 'traditional' values that imply "you are a man, you should always be able to cope, you should always be able to fix the problem".
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Attitudes that have shaped us
One of the attitudes I grew up with was something like 'If the car is on the blink you go and get it fixed. But if you're on the blink, you don't show weakness, don't discuss it, you man up, you carry on'. The famed British stiff upper lip may work as a short term strategy. For some of us however, burdens can become heavier over time which can possibly lead to significant issues.
Men and problem solving
It's in many men's nature to solve problems - to fix things. Many men may have an internalised belief that follows something like: 'I should be able to solve this problem. If I can then I am a capable man'. This belief can sit comfortably with us when we have problems we can fix. However, it's likely for most of us that at some point in our lives we will encounter a problem or situation that we cannot resolve on our own. We can get stuck when we are unable/unwilling to access help and support from others. Maybe we may feel we are somewhat less because we cannot figure it out on our own. Perhaps this is why it often takes men longer to recognise they are living with a problem they can't sort out on their own, and possibly that it may become serious before they seek support.
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Navigating modern life
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We are living in an increasingly complex world where the pace of change is speeding up. For many of us, more demands and expectations are being placed on our shoulders. This makes it all the more difficult for any one person to have the knowledge, skills and capabilities to always be able to understand and navigate modern life. I want to share this viewpoint with you especially if you have grown up with 'traditional' values that imply "you are a man, you should always be able to cope, you should always be able to fix the problem".
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Green Lodge Counselling
Professional, confidential UK wide online & phone counselling for adults
Tel 07824 112573